2022.08.24 WednesdayAs author Arvind Sharma writes, Hinduism is not a thing; it is a process. He would more or less characterize Hinduism as a method or temperament. "Mukhagni" or a cremation ceremony. And there are loved ones who suffer from their loss. to an Orthodox Hindu for their sibling, youll find that the atmosphere of condolences is much different. Are others going to be speaking about her? There is no need to cover the head. of an actual attorney. India Today Web Desk, I. Here, the priest oversees every activity. The loss of a child is particularly devastating for parents, and it is totally wrong to pass such remarks that implicate their role in the childs death. Hare Krishna. Friends may call or visit family members of the deceased to offer their condolences upon hearing of the death and may bring flowers to them at that time. then, practice it out loud, preferably in front of another person or a mirror. Thats because they are considered to be impure spiritually during the mourning period. The Emily Post Institute Inc. is a fifth generation family business that has been promoting etiquette based on consideration, respect and honesty since Emily Post wrote her first book ETIQUETTE in 1922. During the ceremony, the last food is offered and flowers are arranged around the body. You are lucky he went early!, I know how you feel, I was devastated when my cat died last year!. Get a signed copy of the NEW Emily Post's Etiquette Centennial edition, and support Vermont's independent bookstores. Many people follow thirteen days of. Cake offers its users do-it-yourself online forms to complete their own wills and Choose from trainer trainings, seminars, live-online workshops, and self-paced online courses, to best meet your etiquette training needs. You could offer to be helpful to her, perhaps by helping her with her workload the day of the funeral or memorial service. 9. If you decide you want to do it, then write your talk from your heart. If you are a close friend or relative: Call or text immediately, find a time to visit the bereaved at home, and continue to stay in touch on a daily basis. Some Hindu traditions advocate devotional singing and scriptural recital during this time, rather than consider it a time of mourning; instead, realising it as a celebration that the soul has now been liberated and resides eternally in the abode of God. eCondolence.com, LLC | Copyright 2023. Not attending religious functions or celebrations. Explain that you don't feel you can do it, and be honest as to why. Take a look. Hindu mourning rituals will vary according to the sect, caste, circumstances of the family and a variety of other elements. 8. The bereaved person could be venting out emotions and if we simply give them our ears, it will be comforting. Memorial Day for Divorced Parents. So, they can view the body when they enter the house and offers some brief words of condolence to the bereaved family. Most of the Hindu mourning rituals performed are designed to promote the free expression of emotions. Guests may attend the cremation, but if they do not want to, they may depart after the service. Hindu - A gift of fruit for the family is the appropriate gift. Silence is golden: Mark Twains classic quote is noteworthy in the context of visiting a bereaved family. She may depend on you entirely or she may wish to participate in the planning and have you take care of the details. No two families and no two deaths are the same; it is therefore a pointless exercise. I remember my neighbour had a much more terrible time with the same disease. Any information you provide to Cake, and all communications between you and Cake, In general, it is never inappropriate to dress in a way that reflects respect and sorrow for the somber moments of mourning a loss. If you are a colleague or acquaintance: Send an email or handwritten note immediately. Hindus believe cremation is the fastest way for aiding the soul to escape the body. You should not bring flowers to a Hindu funeral. It is appropriate to visit the home of the family as an expression of comfort and support. Its important not to confuse peace and speed here, as speed is the best and appropriate choice. That being said, our approach to the bereaved cannot be generalised beyond a point; each situation is unique, as is each family. Members of the immediate family aren't chosen, as their place is with the family. Mourners customarily choose to wear simple, white clothing to the funeral, although this is not a religious requirement, and a Hindu priest usually leads the prayers. They'll surely understand. Will it be a private or open service? Think of some light, special stories about your friend. When one is in the cycle of rebirth, you would ask God to give momentum to the soul because the Hindu journey is ultimately to reach God. In such situations too, it is helpful to remember that no hospital would knowingly do anything that could harm the patient. The Hindu religion believes that when a person dies, his soul goes into another body. Upon hearing the news of a young woman who died in a car crash, a purported well-wisher arrived at the parents home and declared: What sort of parents would allow a young woman to drive a car alone to work at night? Such words only deepen the pain and guilt that the parents are already suffering. It's a good idea to have a friend read over your eulogy. The length of the mourning period in Korea is largely dependent on the individual and is traditionally for 100 days. By clicking "Accept", you agree to our website's cookie use as described in our Cookie Policy. 82 Telok Blangah Dr, #01-43, Singapore 100082, Copyright 2021/22 Funeral Flower Singapore | www.funeralflowerssingapore.com, 199+ Heartfelt and Deepest Condolences Messages For The Bereaved, 50+ Sincere Christian Condolence Message For Loss of Loved One, Funeral Ceremony Traditions of Different Religions in Singapore. The more eulogies that are to be delivered, the shorter yours should beno less than two minutes, but no longer than eight to ten. Decide upon the best way to get the word out to friends and relatives about the service. However, often, a Hindu priest is asked to perform theantyeshti(funeral rites). At a funeral, either the casket is carried by professionals provided by the funeral home, in which case the honorary pallbearers follow, two by two, or they flank the casket, as it is wheeled down the aisle. E-mail is a immediate way to reach out and say, "I'm sorry. This is made worse when people pick the phone up and start talking at the top of their voice as though they were at a party. Making a phone call or a visit can mean a lot during such times. Good and bad manners do exist about visiting the bereaved, albeit with some variation between cultures. In this sect of Hinduism, theres no food or drink offered to the family for up to 10 days. Grief is Complex, Etiquette Can Help Keep it Simple. Determining the best time to contact the bereaved generally depends on your relationship to the bereaved or the person who died. Friends and relatives may visit to offer condolences and participate in Hindu prayer and scriptural readings to provide solace to the bereaved. We depend on advertising to keep our content free for you. Memorial Day, considered the unofficial start of summer, is the last Monday in May. One should not send flowers or gifts to the Hindu funeral. Please accept my condolences for your loss. However, they include prayers, rice balls and flowers are arranged around the body, a lamp is kept near the bodys head, food is offered, and water is sprinkled over the body. Loud conversation on unrelated topics. In our cosmopolitan society, its not uncommon to know or work with people from all over the world. During subsequent visits, suggestions can be offered, but only when sought by the family. is the best and appropriate choice. In this sect of Hinduism, there's no food or drink offered to the family for up to 10 days. In some cases, it would then be appropriate to recognize this care and give it the honor it deserves. Common blunders while visiting the bereaved: 1. Usage of any form or other service on our website is Where are we meeting for lunch today?, How was the movie last night?, Whats the score? are typical blunders that happen, which impart an uncaring celebratory tone to the visit. After you hear about someones death, it is pretty customary to visit the deceased family at their place immediately for offering your sympathy. Once Nirvana is attained, the reincarnation cycle ends. After the shraddha ceremony, the family usually returns to work after 1-3 weeks. However, different Hindu groups may have different funeral rituals. In Hinduism, there is no judgment day as there are in Christian belief systems. If your relationship to the bereaved or the person who died is more casual, it may be best to wait until the wake, funeral or memorialservice, or after the funeral to reach out. A photograph of the. Also, there may be a Hindu funeral ceremony called shraddha that usually takes place after 10 days from the death. However, this is not a religious requirement and entering the temple during the mourning period is not forbidden. With this in mind, here are a few ideas for what to write in a. If a Hindu, they can participate in the chanting of mantras. It is typical for the family to decorate the house with icons of saints, burning incense and a single candle memorializing the deceased. Family is very important in Hinduism and healthcare decisions should be made together (normally with the most senior family member or eldest child). The soul is neither born, nor does it ever die; nor having once existed, does it ever cease to exist. It is believed that free expression will keep the body healthy, instead of bound by mourning and unresolved anger. During the ceremony, non-Hindus can sit quietly. A Hindu priest is an officiant, who presides over all Hindu funeral rites. 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During this period, the close relatives of the deceased person abstain from celebrations and . The coffin is generally open, and guests are expected to look upon the body and be seated in the room for the service, which is conducted by a priest or a senior member of the family. Since this is such a personal request it should be made, if at all possible, either in person or with a phone call. Traditional stereotypes have shifted in other, more suburban areas of India. Such dramatic statements serve no useful purpose to anybody except perhaps the perpetrator. Recalling a good deed that the person did, but the family was perhaps unaware of, can be particularly heart-warming. Everything will be fine is another pass phrase where both the speaker and listener know its a lie. Leaving footwear outside is part of local culture in India, and is a respectful gesture in this context. May he rest in peace. 4. You are using an out of date browser. Cremation rituals may vary in different places. Most 10-year-olds are ready for this type of experience, as long as they are accompanied by a parent or someone else close to them. Honorary pallbearers are chosen from among the deceased's closest friends and/or business associates. Make a list of all the ways your loved one enriched . Sometimes, guests also attend this ceremony. APPROPRIATE DAYS TO VISIT BEREAVED FAMILY: BEFORE NOVEMBER 1 OR 2 Just like any other special occasion or celebration, sometimes the best way to visit is the day before the said "peak season." This is to avoid a crowded space and a possible ruckus while visiting. 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Would she like to have a reception for some or all of the attendees of the memorial service? Need Immediate Service? This depends on personal preferences. Amen. Although not a good idea immediately after the passing, subsequent visits with the family can be enlivened by conversation about the good memories we had together with the person. It is customary and appropriate to visit the family at home, especially during the days following the funeral. For instance, the death of a teenager is perceived differently from that of a 90-year-old. That said, its the intent alongside the words that mean the most to nearly anyone. She was neatly dressed and even had her hair put up. However, it is usually the eldest son who presides at the cremation. 4. Post Funeral. The body usually remains at home until it is taken to the place where it will be cremated. Traditional rites of Hindu funerals dictate that this ceremony should only be attended by men. (Bhagavad Gita, 2.23-24). Incidentally, it is perfectly acceptable not to cry, as each person processes grief differently. (n.d.). Pinterest. We often hear people say things like Dont be sad, Dont cry, It is all for good, I know how you feel, He is in a better place now in an attempt to provide comfort. It's appropriate to visit the family at their home after their period of mourning, which typically lasts 10 days. Some placement restrictions may apply. If its not possible to visit there, then make a phone call. One needs to observe at least 10 to 30 days of mourning. In this sect of Hinduism, theres no food or drink offered to the family for up to 10 days. In the Southern state of Tamil Nadu, messaging can go one of two ways when losing a parent. They can wear open-toe shoes. During the weeks and months of loneliness that follow, especially after the crowds disperse, the bereaved person might feel that the world is avoiding them. Where would it be held? It is appropriate to visit the home of the family as anexpression of comfort and support. Check out some ways to incorporate this idea when offering condolences for a partner or spouse. Everyday Health | Visiting a family who just lost a loved one? Through cremation, the five basic elements, known as thepanchbhut, are returned to the universe, signifying the maintenance of cosmic equilibrium. Before the funeral, Catholics hold the Vigil (Wake). Keep your pet leashed, and clean up after it. What to Send: Sympathy flowers and sympathy cards are appropriate Hindu funeral rites Hindu funeral service: Traditionally, the body remains at the home of the deceased or in a funeral parlor until it is cremated, which is usually within 24 hours after death. The gesture must be in line with the persons proximity to the family, and the familys own cultural preferences. It is a common slip-up for people to assume that sharing their own religious beliefs would bring solace to the bereaved family. You can also include a poem, passage or anything else you feel reflects your friend's life. Sleep is a basic bodily need, and lack of it can take a person down in no time. There is a gathering of family and friends who are grieving. Loud conversation on unrelated topics. Traditionally, Hindus like to have the ashes spread on the Ganges Rivers waters in India. This link will open in a new window. As Narayanan explains, "Rituals give us a way of cathartically dealing with our grief. Some traditions will not allow for a wedding to take place during the year. There are no set customs prohibiting working during the period of mourning, so returning to work is often an individual decision. You can also donate financially if you can. 2. You have a great responsibility now. The preta-karma serves to assist the soul of the deceased person moves to the new body in the reincarnation cycle. Work from your dream country on a remote visa, A peek into where heads of various countries reside across the globe, This Diwali, try our tasty banana pudding recipe, Heal Thy Self | Early warning signs you could be in an abusive relationship, On yoga day, Krishnaprabha is an inspiration. Any distractions must be shrugged away until we are out of sight, and away from earshot. Before making your decision, take time to consider the family's request. Amy Wolkenhauer, BA in English/Creative Writing, https://www.indiatoday.in/information/story/deepest-condolence-messages-very-helpful-in-grief-1657386-2020-03-19, Hindu death traditions, rituals & beliefs. However, the following brief and simple condolences will let the grieving family know you care: We are sober, we are really sad about his sudden departure, May the Creator accept our prayers on his behalf. Notes of condolence should be acknowledged with a handwritten note. There, husbands and wives increasingly share household roles as dual-earners. If unsure, the best thing to do is stick to something straightforward. Visitors must realize that none of these questions would bring the person back; there is no second chance in death. And then it is appropriate to briefly visit the bereaved family at home at the end of the day. Can you tell me what exactly happened? If not familiar with the situation, it is helpful to call a friend who knows the family, to find out beforehand when and where to visit, and what the right thing to do is while visiting. Unlike some religions, youll also find that Hindus mourn for 13 days, which can also determine what you should and should not write. I'm here for you." I am sorry for your loss. There, husbands and wives increasingly share household roles as dual-earners. They cannot visit the family shrine and are not allowed to enter any sacred place, such as a temple. Offer specific assistance: "I'm going to the grocery. If you are a friend of a friend: Send an email or handwritten note at your convenience. On behalf of my family, I want to say how sorry we are for your loss. If this cultural shift is your cousins history, it might be appropriate to mention that distinction to honor them both after. Please Click Here on how you can do that. He seemed fine when I saw him last week! Did you check her cholesterol? What did the first ECG show? Was he wearing a helmet? When was her last chemo? are but a few examples of such unwarranted questions. 6. Visitors are expected to bring fruit. We cannot give you customized advice on your situation or needs, which would require the service Shinto - The tradition is to give used money to the family in an envelope decorated in black and silver. Kalyana saavu is roughly translated as happy death, and you would use this phrasing to honor someones life and legacy. Caring for someone who is dying involves looking after their physical, emotional and spiritual needs. May she rest in peace. Medical decision making is among the most complex tasks known to man; and not all decisions lead to a positive outcome, although taken in good faith. If You're More Casually Acquainted With The Person Who Died Or The Bereaved Consider it an honor to help your friend during this painful time. When it comes to jewelry, they should not wear anything flashy and keep it light. As there is no room for error, it is better to go prepared than be caught by surprise not knowing how to respond in such situations. This website uses cookies to improve your experience. Choosing an appropriate date to bring home newborn. May she rest in peace. You and your wife are well poised to take over your family. Visitors are also welcome during this period. There are almost never any honorary pallbearers at the funeral of a Christian woman, but at a Jewish funeral both men and women may have honorary pallbearers. On the one-year anniversary of the death of the loved one, a memorial service is held in the family home. Gifts of food and red flowers are not acceptable; white flowers are considered the appropriate mourning flower. Those who are close to the family may volunteer to do such tasks. It is unborn, eternal, permanent, and primeval. Thats why cremation is preferred. By merely being there, listening and taking care of the details, you'll undoubtedly be a great help to her during this sad time. The soul, however, must continue with its journey. Here's a list of simple and concise condolence messages that can be sent to a person in grief. Facebook. Additionally, they are not to touch or go near the family shrine. eCondolence.com, LLC | Copyright 2023. 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